Confused

So, I've not heard from him at all since Sunday. Foudn out this morning when I tried to text him from Cingular's site that he's changed his number already. Don't know what to do.

First Day

Well, today went really well. It was my first day of student teaching. This first placement is going to be great, fun and easy! I'm an "itenerant teacher" in this placement. Lots of fun and lots of traveling.

I'm totally glad that I have close friends that I can just veg and vent with. Nicole came and visited me tonight after class. It was great just to hang for a bit. Medic....she and I hang a lot...we have too, we're twins. hehehe

Made a special trip to see my sister today. She acted like she didn't want to be around me. Crushed me. I don't know what her deal is with it.

I'm also having a hard time with the huge separation from Randall. He moved to South Bend yesterday and I've not heard from him. I try not to call like all the time, but I just want to talk to him even if it's for like 2 minutes. He promised before I left that we'd talk every day just the same...I've only talked to hime 3 days though since I moved back. Yeah I need to focus on my student teaching, but if I start worrying, I won't be able to focus...catch 22. I'm pretty sure he's having a good time being with Mike, Amy and the kids. I know it's good for him to be there and it's only 4 months for me.

I guess it's just the little things that I'm really missing. I miss the kisses on the forhead, the random messages on the computer even though we're in the same room, the laughing and oddly enough all the picking on me he does just to get a rise out of me.

I don't know if he reads this, but that's ok. If he does, he'll know for sure that when I say I love him, I truly mean it.

The Cold Shoulder

Ok...So I'm all moved in and we have this new GA (Grad Assistant) who thinks she's an RHC (Resident Hall Coordinator). Well she isn't. In fact, she's a total bitch. Anyway I'm walking out with Pamela to move her car and this is the conversation that happens:

Bitch: Excuse me (with an attitude of course)
Me: (turns around to look at her)
Bitch: Why are you giving me and my staff the cold shoulder?!
Me: I'm not doing anything
Bitch: No one is accusing you of anything. (yes that is actually what she said after saying I was giving them the cold shoulder)
Me: I'm not doing anything other than my work.
Bitch: Well, we're trying to say hi to you and smile at you and you just keep going.
Me: I dont' know what you are talking about. In fact I beg to differ as no one is trying to do anything.

Now, I should have prefaced this with what happened last night. I'm in my room....they know that I've checked in. My door gets pushed open. I go to the door and they were like "sorry we forgot." I said, "well that's ok, it just kind of scared me when my door came open." So I just get off the phone with dad talking about funeral arrangements for Uncle Wayne AND I'm in the midst of changing. They do it AGAIN!!! There is like 30-60 seconds in between this time. So I go and push the door closed and lock it. Well, Bitch comes and knocks on my door and is like, " You're going to have to excuse us. We're putting things in the rooms and you just slammed the door shut." OMG....so I just closed the door and locked it again and went on.

So yeah, that's how the semester has started. She's going to get a RUDE awakening when the rest of the girls move into this building and she finds out what it's really like.

Tomorrow's It

Well, I've had a lot of things on my mind the past few days which is part of why I've not updated since Wednesday. I go back to Richmond tomorrow. This means that after the time I leave Cincy tomorrow, I don't know when for sure the next time I see Randall will be. Here's the story:

Mom was a little cooler about things and is letting him stay a bit longer...however he's going to move to South Bend, IN. We talked about South Bend prior to even talking about Cincinnati. Even though I knew it wasn't 100% gone, I was still hoping that after moving to Cincy, South Bend wasn't going to come up again. I just got used to the fact that I was going to come home after graduation...now it looks like I"ll be headed to South Bend. Anyway, it's better financially for us if he goes. His bestest friend in the whole world, who is pretty much a brother to him, lives up there. He and his wife have been begging Randall to come up there for sometime now. Well, they are going to let him stay with them as long as needed rent free. Also, Mike is trying to sell their 2000 Neon....well he's gonna sell it to Randall for $1500 and told him that he could make payments on it as he could. Also, Randall is more likely than not going to be able to get on up there at the same place Mike works. The job starts at 48K-55K. Obviously it's a much better situation than Cincinnati is financially.

All of this still being part of why I don't want to go back. I haven't even started packing, so I guess that's what I'll be doing tonight. I've been putting it off, I guess hoping that I wouldn't for some reason have to go back. Although, I really don't have a ton to take back as I'm going on minimal things since it's my last semester and I"ll be moving out in December....I really don't need all of those things.

On a good note, I bought a car on Fri. afternoon! It's a 90 Labaron. Cute little car, runs great and it was cheap! I've yet to take pictures and everything, but obviously this is something that HAS to be scrapped.

Ok, I think that's enough for now....sorry about the super long post. I've got to get ready and run a few errands before I go into work. TTFN

4 months....

*til I graduate
*til I an start my life
*til I'm on MY own...for real
*til I can be with Randall all the time
*til I end up moving to Indiana
*til I have to take on ALL of my bills
*til I'm an "adult"
*til I have to truly figure out if I'm going to teach or not

I thought she'd be cooler than this...

All along my mom has said that when I go back to school Randall has to move out. Due to the fact that we live in a little town and can see why she is saying this. However, she's not budging at all on this. The entire reason he's not gotten an apartment yet is because we're waiting on a claim from the VA...it's supposed to be done..we're assuming this month, but legally for sure we'll have the money by the end of Sept. Mom knows this and still won't allow him to stay. I've been a complete wreck. I know it isn't, but I feel like all of this is totally my fault. I just kep saying all along that mom'd be cool with things, it'd be ok...but tonight the bomb dropped and the three of us sat down and she totally was like...NOPE. I don't know what to do. He can't go back to KY...school starts for him here in Cincinnati in a couple weeks. I almost forgot to add too that mom was like, "You are more than welcome to be here when Katy is home and you don't have to move all your stuff right away..." Well, duh! If he's in a different apartment am I going to be staying here?! NO!

I've had a hard day as it is about not wanting to go back to Richmond. This really set it over the edge...if I don't go, he doesn't have to go. He's being so strong for me right now even though I know he is just as upset and also thought mom was gonna be cooler about this. So, if you have some extra$$ (HA) or know of a place around here that is el cheapo but still safe to live in and live in the area PLEASE let me know ASAP!

Mixed Feelings

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely have loved my time in college; however, I'm really having mixed feelings about going back in a week. I'll finish this semester, don't you worry....I'm too close to quit now. But if nothing else, that is my reasoning. I woke up this morning in a rather unhappy mood (sorry honey). I got to thinking....I go back in a week. I can't finish without a car. I still don't have a car. I can't afford a car. I can't get a loan. I get jumped on if I don't see my dad. I get jumped on if I do see my dad. Then too I think about the wonderful things I"m leaving, even if it only is for a total of four months, and I'll be home several (if not all) weekends a month; SBC, Randall, my mom, my "family" at Rick's, grandma and grandpa. I just don't know. This is SUCH a hard time in a person's life. I"m ready to be on my own (with Randall...tee hee), yet I just can't. It's right there but it's out of reach.

Yes, I'm still alive

I know I've not said anything for a while. Well, it's becuase I've been sick. YUCK.....I've had a double ear infection. It is NOT fun at all. Now I know why kids scream their heads off when they have them. I've cried myself over the pain.

On a different note. I feel like I"m competing with the damn computer for his attention. I don't know what to do about it. Last night it took me being huffy, quite loudly too, to even get him away from the computer to comfort me for a whopping 3 minutes. I just don't know. I love him dearly, I know he loves me the same way. It's just frustrating. I think the fact that I'm headed back to Richmond in about 10 days is actually a good thing for us. Almost feel like he's taking for granted that we're living together. We shall see. I'm gonna try to actually go to bed...again...since I have to be at work at 8.

Stress and Migraines

I don't know what is wrong with me lately. I've been under so much stress and yesterday I got another migraine. Yeah, I get them, but come on....2 in one week? Yesterday was a not so good day for me. I slept in which was good, but I was so stressed for some reason. I didn't exactly handle it the best way either. I was snapping at Randall for stupid shit and every little thing made me cry. He's so good to put up with my shit. I'd better be careful and not take advantage of that fact....last thing I want is for him to leave because I've done something stupid.

What a weekend

OMG...this weekend was SO long. It all started about 2am Friday morning when Randall got up not feeling well. I was asleep and didn't know anything of it. I knew when he got back into bed about 3. ;) Well, a little after 4 he got back up...long story short we were at the ER by 5. There until about 4. Come to find out that they were thinking apendicitis, but couldn't find anything wrong with it. We're still really not sure what exactly it was, and neither are the doctors or surgeons, but he feels better.

Saturday I got to work only to find out that a friend of mine "no longer works here." Yeah, I honestly knew it was coming but never knew that it would go down like it did. We were kinda busy, interesting day. Then there was a bachelorette party...they had a "fun party" for her bachelorette party. Crazy times....good shit but crazy times.

Today was a pretty busy day at work. I woke up not feeling too well and a little nausous. Oh well, such is life. Tonight I came home and went to sleep early again...I've done this the past few nights and had a migrane on Thursday. This morning when I got to work it was like a cold had just randomly come on...I don't know what's up. Oh well. Anyway, I have to work early in the a.m. so I'm gonna check out. Hugs

Finally...

I got to scrap and it looked like something! I was working on something for the store and it turned out really cute. I busted out with some old paper...KI Christmas. That wasn't the best part though. I had Randall pring off a pic for me in black and white b.c I just wasn't feeling the colors of the pic and the papers I had that I knew were in the store. Well after he did that, he got to playing (even more) with his pic from the navy. Let me tell you how stinking cute it was! After he printed the pic, he took my trimmer, cut it all out and then looks at me and says: "Is it ok if I look through the paper?" So he tells me too, "I'm thinking a red, white and blue type idea with the flag and what not." Of course in my head I"m going duh, but on the outside I was like that's great. Then he adds to it by saying, we should look for an emblem of the navy or even I have some of my patches from the different places I was stationed. It was great. No one I've been with has ever appreciated my work like this, let alone jumped in and started helping! He's the best.....now only if he'd let me take random pics of him....I"ll get him there, one day!

confusion

Wow so up until a few days ago things were just going about their normal course....then I got "the message." A message that would change the way I thought and felt towards a person. You may remember Nate...the hot guy from the army...who I was wondering if he could be the one. That is of course until I got a voicemail from him the week after Thanksgiving saying to never call him again as he had another girlfriend. Well....7 months, yes 7 months later I hear from him again....he messages me and appologized for everything. Apparently that day, his mom had died, his sister tried to commit suicide as a result, and he had just gotten word that he had to go back to Iraq for this a third time. Well, then he found out about Randall. I couldn't keep that hidded. My love just oozes out of my pores, so even if I tried, he (nate) would've known that something was up. Well, we talked a couple times and actually Randall hopped on one evening while I was doing something else as Nate had messaged me. After that night, Nate told me that he felt like he was in the way. I'm thinking, you're effin in Iraq....I live with my man, how in the hell can you be in the way?! Regardless, I messaged him last night to see how things were going. He informed me last night that it would be the last time we would talk...ever. I'm still not sure how exactly to feel about it all. I mean, I'm in love with Randall and don't want to be with Nate in that way, however, I respect his decision as he can't be just friends with me and doesn't want to do something that he shouldn't. I'm just confused on what to do with this newfound information about both now and the past.

Shopping!!!!

Yesterday after the facial I had scheduled, Randall and I decided to run around and go shopping. It all started when I wanted to go to Skyline for dinner. Well, the one we stopped by happened to be across the parking lot from a Big Lots....we're in need of a bed, so we thought, what the hell and went over there. Well that trip to Big Lots suddenly became an evening of shopping and decorating "our home". No we don't have a place of our own yet, but we've sure got it decorated. lol We went from Big Lots to Hobby Lobby to Meijer's to then we were just driving around a bit. Well, somehow we got on the conversation of puppies and not wanting to housebreak one (because he feels guilty about how you are truly supposed to do it) and so I said, well what if we adopted one that already was?! He looks at me and says where is petsmart? So we head over there.....they DON'T do puppy adoption!!! We were like WTF?? What Petsmart doesn't do puppy adoption. So then we went next door to World Market. Let me tell you, at first he was all making fun of me for wanting to go in there. Well, next thing we know it's 915...we'd been in there almost an hour and a half and they never once said anything about it being past 9....oops! They were really nice about us still being in there...thank God...I've always worked retail and know how it feels to have someone in there past closing and then they don't buy anything?! Anyway, we've not had the chance in the past to do this so it was really eye opening. It was great. Our tastes are so similar and we like A LOT of the same things, colors and themes.

Throughout our driving around at one point, he looks over and says "thank you." I was totally shocked by it becuase we hadn't been talking about anything that I had done or what not. So I ask him why he said that. He looks at me and says because I can be me. The entire time he was with his most recent ex, he had to change and he wasn't himself. I love the fact that I feel the same. I'm me with Randall. We're us as individuals as well as being a couple.

Ok, enough mushy stuff for yall. I've gotta get ready for work. As a sidenote, I had my Mary Kay business debut this past week and let me tell you I had a great week! Got 9 bookings and did almost $350 in sales!!! woo hoo!!! go me!

Forever Love

So we went to Rick's tonight as our usual routine....Randall joined us since he's moved in. He actually gets along really well with our friends which is totally a good thing. He was cracking jokes and everything with them; even shot a game of pool with the guys. I can't count the number of times we were told to get a room...fine with me though. It's not like we were making out or anything, however, I know I was hanging on him. LOL Anyway, in the midst of the bar and the friends that are family, I started to get teary eyed. They didn't notice, hell, I don't know if Randall even noticed. He said some of the best, sweetest things to me tonight. The few that stick out most to me are: "I've found the one for me." and "Promise me you'll never leave me or hurt me." The first one, yeah sure it's cheesy, but let me tell you, he was looking straight into my eyes when he said it. I felt like no one else was around at all for that moment in time. The other statement is HUGE in both of our books. We've both been hurt way more than we deserve...in the same ways. It still amazes me that he just picked up everything and left KY this past week. I love him so much....I know it's just me and a result of my past, but I wonder sometimes that when I wake up he's not going to be here....after tonight though, I won't worry about that any more.

He's here!!!

YAY!!! Let me tell you how happy I am...well, I don't think words can describe it. I"m just beyond happy right now! Life is wonderful. This afternoon my man arrived here to live! So we unpacked the truck, took it back, came home, ordered pizza for dinner and now we (he) are starting to put things away and bring them in from the garage. A little bit at a time is all it takes.

Next, anyone know of a CHEAP, reliable car?? Mine is dead. Like WAY dead. So, I'm working on trying to find one.

Last but not least, my Mary Kay business debut is tomorrow! I have had a few people tell me they are coming and a few people tell me that they can't. However, I got an order from one of my cousins who said she can't. Every little bit helps....right?

Ok, I better help Randall at least a little bit! Talk to you soon!

Moving in....

I"m SO totally stoked! (wow, haven't used that word in years) Anyways, I am.....on Tuesday, yes as in a few days, Randall is moving in here!!! I know I know, it's a little fast, but let me tell you....he's not fucking around. Not that he's not used to it, but he's changing states!! The reason this time just happens to be different....to be with me. Spacewise, things'll be a little bit tight, but it's worth it! I SO can't wait. I'm so just wow.

How'd it all come about? Well we were talking about school in general, and he has NO motivation to be where he is. (I don't blame him, I wouldn't either) so he was looking at things around South Bend as that was a moving possibility. Well he got to talking the other day with a friend he was in the navy with. She was talking about ITT Tech and how she loves it there. She's at the Boston campus. Anyway, so he's looking to see where a campus is near South Bend if at all. I jokingly made the comment that we have a campus here in Cincy. So he starts to check things out. Well, Thursday he calls and says to me, I just got off the phone with ITT Tech! I was like what?! Then he goes on to say, how would you like it if I were there in the next week or two? I said that'd be great! I'd love every minute of it. Well, yesterday he calls and says...I'll be there on Tuesday! ROCK ON! So that's where we stand right now. Man, I love him!

ahhhhh....Life

Things are going pretty good right now. Randall and I are great, I've caught up with some friends recently which has been really good. We're trying to get my Mary Kay business off and running so if you know anyone who would like to purchase products or you think they'd be good at selling let me know! So anyway..still no news on the car. I may be having to buy a new one. That's gonna be hellish if I do, but life happens...right?! Well, I have some things to get taken care of. I'll check ya later!

3 down....1 to go

....days of partying that is. With the group my mom and I run with, a 3-day weekend equals 4 days of partying. I can't take it...it's a good thing that I"m gonna have the next few days be easy days as far as work is concerned. Oh well, such is life. You never know when you'll have the time to hang like this, so you might as well take it while you can!

To the love of my life: honey I love you with all of my heart. I just want you to know that. Hopefully I'll get to see you this coming weekend! I miss you baby.

Parties galore!

Well, you know it's a holiday weekend with the holiday being on Monday....we had our usual going out Friday night, last night was a party, today is a pool party and tomorrow is another pool party. Fun times!!! The crazy part is, all the parties are with the same group of people...we just keep changing the location!

On a side note: You know you are in Hamilton when: you pull the grill down the street to another house where we are cooking out. That's right ladies and gentlemen...I pulled it down the street. Thank God Cindy wasn't home yet or it'd be on camera!

On the other side note: Randall and I are great!!!Things are back to "normal" (if there is even such a thing as normal). He's gonna try to come down next weekend which will be awesome! I miss him SO much.

Slow and Steady wins the Race

Well....Talked to Randall last night. It was a GREAT conversation. We've decided that we both want to be with each other, we're just gonna take it slower. So that's what we're doing! I'm way excited about this. I"ll update more later on.